"DISAPPOINTED."

Otto is not a happy bunny.

I recently read a post on Dominic Carver's blog (Its an old post, but I just discovered it! Finger on the pulse as ever.) about his disappointment at not winning the Red Planet script competition a year or so ago (Read it HERE.)

Being only too aware of his pain, it put me in a reflective mood. Whilst I would generally agree that dwelling on the past is not constructive and that its good to let rejection go and move on, there are lessons to be gleaned from such disappointment, as well as positive outcomes which may not be so evident at times of crashing disasters.

My personal Top 5 Disappointments - PART ONE:

LEAVING SCHOOL

My lasting memory of my final day at school was the look on my geography teacher's face when I answered his question "What job are you going to do after leaving school?" - "I want to work in special effects in films."

Of course.

And I gave it a good shot, being a kid who had extremely unremarkable exam results. I had always been fascinated by films (ever since witnessing a scene from 'An American Werewolf In London' - the bit where the guy at the tube station is chased. ITV chose to show this scene at lunchtime. I was about five years old. No wonder it stuck in my head...)

Not suitable for five year olds.

Anyway, to a film-obsessed teenager as I was at the time, I loved special effects in movies. To me, they were always the best parts of any movie (Rob Bottin's work in 'The Thing' being the ultimate, genius masterpiece of FX work ever). FX scenes were the classic parts that everyone talked about after the film had finished, the parts where you could let your imagination run wild (I was twelve. What did I know? Upon reflection, it was probably all to do with attention seeking...). I wanted to work in films. And FX, to me, was where it was at.

'One of these things is not like the other....'

I spent months writing to every production company and celebrity in the UK. I was young, naive, and it was 1991. I had a lot of positive replies, but not enough to secure regular employment. Reaching the end of my tether (and my parents tether, too), I had exhausted every avenue - apart from college. Having spent a large part of my early years hating school, this was not an idea I cherished.

Then my Mum mentioned that she had watched an interview on ITV-daytime staple 'This Morning'. Apparently Fred The Weather man had interviewed some guy who did effects on Star Wars. I had no idea who this person was, so I wrote to Fred The Weatherman (I don't think I actually wrote that on the envelope?), and asked for more info on this SPFX guy.

A few weeks later, the phone rings. Its Fred. He tells me that he's passed my letter on to the FX guy. Brilliant. What a dude. Fred ended the conversation with the immortal words "Better go, I need to get on my map."

Fred: A giant among (weather) men.

The FX Guy was also known as Chris Tucker. No, not the helium-voiced actor, just as Captain America does not also present the breakfast show on Radio Two. Chris Tucker did indeed provide effects for Star Wars, as well as The Company Of Wolves, Dune, The Elephant Man and a multitude of other movies. More weeks went by, until I received a call from Chris's assistant. It was a very positive chat, and I was invited down to Chris's house (which turned out to be a mansion in the woods, somewhere in Pangbourne).

Meeting Chris was a slightly different affair. He was a lovely person, very generous with his time, but as a 16 year old preparing to fall into his dream job, I was slightly stunned at his advice: "Go to college, kid - there's absolutely no work in the U.K." Chris went on to say how most of his work was with Bollywood, as our UK cinematic empire was all but dust and bones.

The disappointment was slightly lessened when Chris showed me around his FX room - I got to see Laurence Olivier's head! - but I eventually trundled home feeling none the wiser and more depressed. Around this time, I had purchased a very detailed (and expensive) FX make-up book, and had attempted sculpting (at the advice of Chris Tucker). It became very clear to me that FX people have a gift that I simply do not possess. I can draw a little, but I'm not an artist. These people were artists, and I simply wasn't in their league.

After some more weeks, I volunteered at a theatre on the reasoning that I might as well be doing something useful. Whilst working there, I met somebody who mentioned a college course they had signed up for (doing theatre sound design). I looked into the college, and discovered they also ran a video & tv course.

So I joined, and in my first few months at college, I was taught by tv writer David Hansen. It was the first time in years that I found anything education-related interesting. It also occurred to me that I had been writing short scripts and a couple of feature lengths scripts in my spare time - but only as a hobby/something for my own amusement. David was encouraging towards my very-silly-teenage-boy-scripts, and lo the germ of a notion formed into words akin to 'What if I wrote a real, proper script? With a story of some sort and characters that didn't have comedy names?'

And so I took writing seriously. I'd always loved writing and making my own books... Heck, I even won an award at school for the ingenious, imaginatively witty James Bond spoof 'Brooke Bond', which featured lots of tea/coffee-brand related character names (I was twelve at the time and should have probably known better, even at that age.). A year later, I had written my first 'real' screenplay. With a sense of achievement, I was ready to take on the world.

King of the world... for the next ten minutes.

COMING SOON: Episode Two - More Disappointment.